Royal Diner Humor
by sansticonderoga
Summary: Funny fic on how a royal diner waitress reacts to Brennan's pregnancy.


_This is an updated version of this story. My first publish was an old document. Sorry for the previous typing errors. Enjoy!_

Humorous Royal Diner Scene

Booth and Brennan are the only customers at the Royal Diner. They are sitting at the counter. Booth is finished with his food and is wiping his mouth with a napkin. Brennan is finishing some berries.

"I'll go bring the car around."Booth stands to leave and lightly touches Brennan's baby-belly and looks lovingly at her. She returns his gaze.

The waitress stares at them in complete disbelief. Her jaw is hanging open in utter confusion, but her eyes are smiling. Putting down the coffee pot she begins to state in disbelief, "Wait a minute, now. You two are a couple! That baby…" she points to Brennan's belly, "it is yours," she points to Booth. "And you have a ring on your finger. " It is only the huge smile and overjoyed eyes of the waitress that keeps the situation light and humorous. "Ha, ha, well I'll be dipped…"

Even though the waitress is looking and acting over-joyed, Booth and Brennan offer no response other than a polite smile. Booth begins to reach for his wallet.

The waitress objects. "Hold-on-there special agent cool and cocky. You can just freeze those silly stripey socks of yours right there. For 6 years I've been watching the two of you. Waiting for you to get your act together and realize you belong together. Six years, I've been gettin' you pie and her berries. Six years, I've been watching those 'I love you' looks between the two of you. And after two years I had to work hard to suppress the urge to go over to your table and just knock your heads together. How in the world did you end up pregnant with his baby if no one has never even seen so much as one teeny-tiny-little kiss between the two of you?"

Booth argues, "Hey, we've kissed."

Brennan confirms, "He does have highly motile sperm."

Booth looks incorrigibly at Brennan, "Stop telling the crazy stalker waitress about my, um, stuff?"

Brennan gives him a look of apology.

The smiles on Booth and Brennan's faces are diminishing.

The waitress offers a persuasive argument. "Hey, I don't expect flat-out domestic bliss between the two of you. But come on; give a kiss- so all of us who care can see that you're trying for happily ever after."

"Happily ever after is a fundamentally floored concept. It would directly impact your own immediate personal contentment to concern yourself with acknowledging happiness in the moment that it occurs rather than waiting for one culminating moment."

Brennan looks over at Booth with rather wide eyes of confusion and a smile of amusement. "It was my voice and my lips were moving, but that is where the consistency ends," she states matter-of-factly while taking a sip of water.

The waitress interjects, "I've been catching snippets of your conversations for years. I have never understood anything you say miss brilliant-sky. But it's actually a little scary when even you don't know what the hell you're talking about!"

Booth takes out his wallet and puts some cash on the counter top. "I'm going to get the car Bones."

Crossing her arms the waitress loudly clears her throat, "Ahh-hem."

Booth stops and turns back. She appeals to his simple wisdom. "The lady who prepares and serves you your food is asking for one tiny little kiss."

Booth and Bones share a familiar, although somewhat tentative, momentary kiss on the lips.

The waitress lifts an eyebrow in consternation and disappointment. "Well that was not so much worth the wait. But you two did manage to make a baby, so there has to be some heat going on somewhere that apparently we're never gonna get to see."

Booth and Brennan exchange a glance and Booth walks toward the exit. As he is leaving he passes the waitress who is over by the coffee muttering happily to herself.

"Halleluiah! Praise the lord! Miracles do happen. There is hope. Hah! Wait 'til the busboy comes in. He's been lighting candles and chanting. Hell, he's been watching them for seven years!" She continues muttering to herself while cleaning off the counter top, all the while with a huge smile on her face.

Outside the diner Booth stops and looks at Brennan through the window. She feels him looking at her and turns to look out the window. She returns his loving gaze. Booth smiles.


End file.
